by Scott Maxwell
Last weekend, my wife and I were on a cruise where we caught a New Year’s Day production of “Grease.”
It’s a super-dated show. But the songs are peppy, the cast was talented, and we were entertained.
Still, for those of you who don’t remember the lyrics from this half-century-old musical, here’s a sampling from “Greased Lightning”:
“You know that I ain’t braggin’, she’s a real p*ssy wagon.”
“You know that it ain’t sh*t, we’ll be gettin’ lots of t*t.”
Keep in mind: This was on a cruise ship run by Royal Caribbean, which markets itself to families and which welcomed children into the theater that night.
My wife and I thought the cruise line could’ve tweaked a couple of the outdated lyrics. But we also thought entertainers are capable of making their own decisions, parents are capable of raising their own children and customers are capable of spending their money where they want.
Boy, were we wrong.
Gov Ron DeSantis has taught us that neither parents nor customers deserve to make their own choices. Government should have total control.
DeSantis made that clear with his latest headline-grabbing effort as his business-regulation department tried to stop Orlando’s Plaza Live from allowing minors into a raunchy, comedic drag-queen Christmas show last week.
DeSantis doesn’t want parents to decide what’s appropriate for their kids. He wants government to.
Now, that strikes me as the polar opposite of freedom and parental rights. But I admit it’s intoxicating to think about the possibility of censoring anything — and anyone — I dislike.
Who cares what you think? Or what the Constitution says about free speech? DeSantis has convinced me the way to go is TOTAL GOVERNMENT CONTROL!
Just trust us. It will be much easier on your brain when we decide what you and your family are allowed to watch.
Obviously we won’t stop at drag shows. There are lots of plays, movies and comedians far more vulgar than this bawdy holiday drag show.
Until now, parents were allowed to decide these things for themselves. A movie might be rated R. But if a father wanted to allow his teenager to see it, he could.
Sorry, Pops. Not in DeSantis’ new world order. You don’t get to make that call anymore. Government does.
After all, why would the governor ban you from taking your 16-year-old to a drag show with sexually suggestive material but allow you to take your 8-year-old kid to some gross horror movie that showed body dismemberment? Or a play featuring sodomy or rape?
He wouldn’t — unless he lacked consistent principles and was just trying to beat on LGBTQ issues to score divisive political points. So obviously DeSantis has a lot more censoring to do.
Ever heard of the play “Equus”? Well, in DeSantis’ Florida, you never will again — at least not until we decide you’re ready.
The same goes for comedians and other live performers who say nasty things. You no longer get to choose.
Admittedly, this will get tough. Because we’re going to have to ban teens from seeing everyone from comedians like Chris Rock to pundits like Tucker Carlson.
Carlson, as you may know, lashed out at one of the guests on his Fox News show a few years ago, telling his guest to “go f*** yourself, you tiny brain” before dropping some more F-bombs and calling his guest a “moron.”
Not only is that language vulgar, it’s a terrible way to teach children to debate. So obviously the governor will be banning parents from allowing their kids to see any of Carlson’s live appearances in Florida.
Sure, we don’t know for sure what Carlson will say at any given appearance. But that’s the beauty of advance government censorship. We don’t have to know. We just censor it anyway!
Now, some of you may be thinking: Wait a minute. This is my child. Don’t I deserve the right to raise my kid the way I want?
No, you do not.
Maybe you’re thinking: What if I wanted to accompany my teen to an adult-themed performance — whether it’s a vulgar comedian, risqué drag show or grotesque movie — and then discuss with them what they saw?
Not in our state, pal. Government is now taking over. Love it or leave.
Now, the Plaza Live tried to be responsible with signs last week warning parents that some people might consider the drag-show content inappropriate for minors. But that’s not good enough. The governor doesn’t want to allow parents to make that choice for their kids. He’ll make it for them.
That’s why the state threatened to go after the Plaza’s business license. Yay, freedom!
You have to respect the governor’s game. Obviously true small-government conservatives will be appalled at government trying to squash parental rights, free speech and private businesses.
But DeSantis is doing it anyway. What courage.
And I look forward to seeing him courageously threaten more Florida companies like Miami-based Royal Caribbean.
Because DeSantis obviously wouldn’t approve of children hearing grown men sing about how a fancy car can be a “p*ssy wagon” that will help them get “lots of t*t.” So he’ll soon be threatening that company as well … right?
Along with theaters everywhere that offer any kind of vulgarity.
We should soon have censorship galore. Ain’t freedom grand?
