#AllLivesMatter is not the response to #BlackLivesMatter

At the center of these nationwide protests against police brutality and racism, there is a movement, often represented by a hashtag, that has been around for several years now: #BlackLivesMatter.

#BlackLivesMatter started trending in 2013, as many in the black and minority communities felt they were treated like their lives didn’t matter. Much of white America responded with #AllLivesMatter. And just as #BlackLivesMatter has made its resurgence after the deaths of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, George Floyd and many others, #AllLivesMatter is also circulating.

While it is true that all lives do matter — all people matter — it is important not to attempt to neutralize the conversation happening around #BlackLivesMatter. There a few good analogies that help put it in perspective. Here are a couple of our favorites:

You live in a neighborhood where houses are spaced moderately close together, and your house is burning down. The fire department responds. Firefighters immediately hook up two hoses — and start spraying down the houses on either side of yours. You run up to the fire chief and say, “Why are you spraying those houses? My house is the one on fire!” He responds, “All houses matter.”

Yes, all houses do matter. They hold families and memories and treasured possessions. But your house is the one burning to the ground. Yes, there is some risk to the surrounding homes, but yours is the one in immediate danger. The focus needs to be on saving your house before worrying about the other houses.

You and your spouse have had an argument. After you’ve both had time to cool down, you approach your spouse and ask, “Do you love me?” Your spouse responds, “I love all people.”

Their response to “Do you love me?” with a statement about loving everyone dismisses and minimizes your feelings. You went to them in a moment of insecurity and asked for reassurance — that the anger can be set aside, that a solution can be found, that the relationship is still secure — and their response does not reassure you. The way your spouse has dodged the question — has refused to help you when you are hurting — can make you believe they don’t care about you at all.

The point of the #BlackLivesMatter movement is that our black communities are hurting. They are suffering physical violence at the hands of those sworn to protect and serve. They are suffering verbal and psychological abuse from neighbors and strangers. It’s as blatant as calling someone the n-word and as subtle as people warily watching an unfamiliar black person moving through their space.

All lives matter, yes, but right now black lives feel devalued. #BlackLivesMatter is the people of color in our communities — friends, neighbors, family, strangers — telling us they are hurting. The proper response is not, “Everyone hurts sometimes.” The proper response is empathy: Saying, “I hear you. I want to understand. How can I help make things better?”