There’s not a thing wrong with that high-tech, exercise bike your kids got you for Christmas — even if you’ve only used it sparingly since Dec. 25.
Not that it isn’t a nice setup.
You’ve got that trainer on a built-in video monitor, and everything.
It’s just that on the last go-around, said trainer wouldn’t stop yammering.
Then, the microwave went off (your wings from the other night) and … well, you know.
Besides, you didn’t want to get “toned,” or “fit,” anyway.
You wanted to get strong.
As in, “My God, I can’t believe you lifted that,” strong.
And sometimes, the only way to get strong is by getting primal, first.
In a controlled way.
A nice, little librarian from Long Island, N.Y., could have told you all about that Sunday, had you been in attendance at Viking Performance, a strength and conditioning center on Green Bag Road.
Knuckling down with the Norsemen (and women)
The occasion Sunday was Viking Performance’s annual “Test of the Einherjar,” which blended Olympic weightlifting and its cardio-cousin, powerlifting.
Participants lifted everything from barbells to beer kegs in the weekend event, which did have its primal undertones, owner Jerry Handley said.
In ancient Norse history, the Einherjar (sounds like, “ayne-HAIR-yar”) were the band of deceased elite warriors rewarded for their bravery with eternal life in Valhalla — Viking Heaven, that is.
Meanwhile, in Morgantown and Almost Heaven, West Virginia, on Sunday, the lineup at Viking Performance included a mix of male and female, with the full range of body types and ages.
There was Jonny Miller, for example, who is from Columbus, Ohio, and just 13 years old.
And 37-year-old Jessica Oelcher, the aforementioned librarian from Long Island.
Jonny still has a baby face, but even so, he stands about 6 feet, with the getting there, muscled body of a guy who looks like a regular at a weight-lifting competition.
The diminutive Oelcher, meanwhile, doesn’t look the part at all.
That’s the beauty and the benefit of the training, said Handley, a former strength and conditioning coach at WVU.
Besides, he said, the participants — with their guttural wails and lattice-work of neck veins — only looked like they were killing themselves.
In actuality, he said, they were getting the best workout of their lives.
True balance
“This isn’t like a sideshow event in the carnival,” Handley said. “There’s training and technique involved.”
Such training and such competitions, he said, actually prompt the body to do its own heavy lifting, in terms of holistic health.
Synapses fire, one muscle contracts while the other relaxes, and the whole of the central nervous system takes over.
Women who do such training don’t lose bone density as they age, he said.
“You’re building flexibility and endurance. You’re discovering your true balance that you need for when you lift those everyday objects.”
Picture the average, beer-drinking Joe after he threw his back out trying to help a buddy move a couch up a flight of stairs to a new apartment, Handley said.
Picture another benefit, he added, which can bench-press a mountain: Confidence.
Then picture Oelcher, who does live in the apartment upstairs. Groceries? The baby stroller? Got ‘em, she said.
Heavy control
“I like that I don’t have to ask people for help,” she said.
She wouldn’t have to ask anyway, she said. There are lots of well-intended people out there.
And she does work in a library, where books in boxes and on carts can get heavy.
“Somebody always wants to go, ‘Let me get that for you, little lady.’ I always say, ‘No thank you, I’m good.’ They’re usually pretty surprised.”
Bill Miller, Jonny’s dad, wrestled and played football in high school.
He was always working out in the gym and his son wanted to be with his dad, so he did, too.
The father went at it responsibly — enrolling Jonny in sanctioned, professionally coached training programs. It didn’t take long to see the results.
When he says his son has grown, he isn’t talking biceps. He’s talking esteem.
Jonny agrees.
“I feel good about what I’m doing,” he said. “I feel like I’m in control.”
In case you’re wondering, he wants to be an engineer when he grows up. He’ll fetch that girder for you on the work site, if you need one.
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